thoughts away...: Escape is a Dream

I have dreamed about escaping my reality...

I have been running away all my life. But still my efforts are all futile. I can't runaway form my commitments, family pressure and especially from my studies.

I have been pressured all my life. I just want to runaway and be free to do anything that my heart desires. Everyone thinks that I am such a free person but they didn't know that I have been caged all my life.I have already accepted it but it is really suffocating most of the time. I want change. I want to stop this cycle of my monotonous life.

In my studies, I have worked so hard to prove my worth to the people around me. But most of all, to my father. I think that whatever I do it is not enough to please him. He loves me, in fact I am his favorite. But when it comes to other things, I am the most pressured among his' children. Poor me.

He listens to everything I say except for the things that concerns me. I guess, my father really loves me. My only complain is just that... He asks me what I want and when I do tell him what i want, he listens without any understanding. So, what is the use of telling. It was just like the time when I started choosing my course. He asked me what course do I plan to take. "Pa, basi magLAW, Political Science, Journalism or MassCommunication ko" I told him. He actually agreed with me but in the end, he forced the things he wants on me. And I hate it. I trully--undeniably-- hate it. He just responded: "Sige 'nak, pero pagIndustrial Engineering sah. Igka graduate nimo ana mao na nah ang oras na magkuha ka anang mga kurso na imong ganahan" My mind was not able to accept that response. Oh c'mon! That was the time when my mind have haywired. I literally walked out on that conversation and cried my heart out. I mean, was I being a disobedient child if I didn't follow my father. I think, God left us with our freewill to make decisions for our own happiness. After that conversation, I started to prove something more to my father. It was still futile. Sadly, I am too much of an obedient child (no violent reactions please). Yes, I am at the moment taking up Bachelor of Science in Industrial Engineering. I am trying my best with all the formulas, numbers, and equations that I am currently struggling to love. I LOVE MATH. I should love it, right?

My passion is not into it but I will let my brain stick with it. I just want to do what I want not what my father wants in the future. I will just let him do this for the last time but when I graduate. I will break free. Somehow. On way or the other. By hook or by crook. The saddest part about this, is that my father would only accept the credits out of everything. I don't even know if he could actually sense my efforts in all of my accomplishments. He just want to have a prize trophy to show to his friend, coworkers and his big boss. I just wanna break free (this sounds like a line of song). I want to prove to him that I am not his mini-me version.

Once I get the chance to grab that Escape, I am so gonna fly out of here...